It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Randomize
