WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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