How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
