I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
