420 ftw
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
