She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
