I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
this hospital has no fireball
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.