I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
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You did a strip tease for the toilet.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
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trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon