I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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