how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
