smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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