I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
