I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
