you traded sex for a burrito?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
