threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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