I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
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