I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
