your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Just invented taco cereal.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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