scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Randomize
