bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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