We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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