Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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