How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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