i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
