Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
