is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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