YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
It's not a walk of shame if you run
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
