I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
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I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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