my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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