What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Randomize
