it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
