if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
