Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
