You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
