Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
