What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I'm at about main and main street
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
