The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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