I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
