I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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