Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
