theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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