great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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