Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
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Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
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He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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