He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
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