foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
