And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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