Already got asked if we're dating
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
