You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
