This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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