and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
