She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
