anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Randomize
