I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
where am i from again
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
