dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
