in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I don't think brook has ever known best
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
