all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
