wat bout pragnant strippers??
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
