i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
