Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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