so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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