That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
