I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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