Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
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