She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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